Assembler programs are written with short abbreviations called mnemonics, e.g. instead of writing load accumulator, the programmer writes LDA. These instructions are frequently abbreviated into total incomprehensibility.
Of course, we all know that the abbreviations are arbitrary. But anyone who has spent any time programming in assembler knows that all computers can be programmed using an undocumented set of instruction mnemonics. Frequently when an error is made writing a program in assembler, a user can actually see the program executing the undocumented instructions.
These instructions vary from machine from machine, but all computers have a certain set of them in common. As a service to humanity, I am here revealing these common instructions for the first time.
ARG: Agree to Run Garbage
BDM: Branch and Destroy Memory
CMN: Convert to Mayan Numerals
DDS: Damage Disk and Stop
EMR: Emit Microwave Radiation
ETO: Emulate Toaster Oven
FSE: Fake Serious Error
GSI: Garble Subsequent Instructions
GQS: Go Quarter Speed
HCF: Halt and Catch Fire
HEM: Hide Evidence of Malfunction
IDD: Inhale Dust and Die
IKI: Ignore Keyboard Input
IMU: Irradiate and Mutate User
ITI: Ignore This Instruction
JPF: Jam Paper Feed
JUM: Jeer at User's Mistake
KFP: Kindle Fire in Printer
LNM: Launch Nuclear Missles
MAW: Make Aggravating Whine
NNI: Neglect Next Instruction
OBU: Overheat and Burn if Unattended
PNG: Pass Noxious Gas
QWF: Quit Working Forever
QVC: Question Valid Command
RWD: Read Wrong Device
SCE: Simulate Correct Execution
SDJ: Send Data to Japan
SFM: Spindle, Fold, & Mutilate
TTC: Tangle Tape and Crash
UBC: Use Bad Chip
VDP: Violate Design Parameters
VMB: Verify and Make Bad
WAF: Warn After Fact
XID: eXchange Instruction with data
YII: Yield to Irresistible Impulse
ZAM: Zero All Memory
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