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How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot
Posted Date: 28 Feb 2008 Resource Type: Computer Jokes Category: General
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Posted By: Er. Ram Singh Member Level: Gold
Rating:  Points: 5
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Task: Shoot Yourself in the Foot
370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document, explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
Access
You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.
Ada
After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.
Algol
You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is aesthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in the emergency room.
APL
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
Apple
We'll let you shoot yourself, but it'll cost you a bundle.
Arc Macro Language
You create a gun polygon and a bullet polygon. &Then &you &realize &that &your &foot &is &in &another UTM &zone.
Assembler
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover, you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.
BASIC
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
C
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible, since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."
COBOL
Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, then place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. Then RETURN HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether SHOELACE needs to be re-tied.
Concurrent Euclid
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
Cray
I knew you were going to shoot yourself in the foot.
English
You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off.
FORTH
foot in yourself shoot
begin gun foot shot bullets not or blood until
FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyways, because you have no exception-handling capability.
Hewlett-Packard
You can use this machine-gun to shoot yourself in the foot, but the firing pin is broken.
HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.
IBM
You insert a clip into the gun, wait half an hour, and it goes off in random directions. If a bullet hits your foot, you're lucky.
Java
You can do it with a standalone interpreter, but a java applet will not let you access your foot.
LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage, which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage, which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage, which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage, which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage, which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage, which holds ...
Microsoft
Object "Foot" will be included in the next release. You can upgrade for $500, and it will be the "best Foot ever."
You can shoot yourself in the foot, but the method is buried in the docs somewhere.
Modula2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
Motif
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
NeXT
We don't sell guns anymore, just ammunition.
Paradox
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.
Pascal
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
PL/I
You consume all available system resources, including all the offline bullets, The Data Processing & Payroll Department doubles its size, triples its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and drops the original one on your foot.
Prolog
You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it to you.
Revelation
You're sure you're doing to be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little bullet-thingies are for.
scheme
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... ...but none of the other appendages are aware of this happening.
SCO Open Desktop, SCO Paint
You shoot yourself in the foot with a popgun.
sh, csh, etc.
You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five hours reading man pages before giving up. You then shoot the computer and switch to C.
Smalltalk
You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal.
SNOBOL
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.
Sun
Just as soon as Solaris gets here, you can shoot yourself anywhere you want.
Unix
% Is
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.d toe.o
%rm* .o
rm:.o no such file or directory
Visual Basic
You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it, that you won't care.
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